SlapClap

… hang out at pool halls.

And then what happened? Last time I saw a black person with a pool stick was the movie Boomerang. Was Martin’s “little speech” that persuasive? (minute 04:06)

Now if I want to see black folks and six pockets I’ve got to go stare at a Good Times painting. Remember All in the Family? Every other one of Archie’s ethnic put-downs had to do with some “darky” who hangs out at the pool hall too much. Meanwhile I went to a pool hall the other day — what a disappointment. Nothing but dip and expensive looking cell phones, and nary another darky in sight. I was expecting someone to hand me a shot of Crown Royal and a knife when I walked in, but it looked like down time on the set of the next Chris O’Donnell movie.

I blame Tiger Woods. He’s got all of us outside playing golf now. Even my seven nephews — Buck, Otis, Cadillac, A.C., Stacey, Rick, and Wayman — have a set of golf clubs … actually they just have one golf club … and it’s a pool stick … they stole from my Uncle Cocheese’s basement. Why?

• Slightly related: Wu-Tang Clan, please phone in. I understand you have a new album almost out and I have an idea for your next video. Ghostface as Jackie Gleason and Bobby Digital playing the young Paul Newman role. Call it The Hustla.