SlapClap

SlapClap was saddened today by the news that Swiss chemist Albert Hoffmann, the man who discovered the drug compound LSD, died at the age 102 on Tuesday from sword wounds. The attack took place outside his country home during a benefit concert to raise money for a Phil Lesh statue in the Swiss capitol of Bern. Hoffman and his paramour Mountain Girl were retiring to the front porch after a truncated five and a half hour set by the band New Riders of the Purple Sage when 3 ninjas jumped from Hoffman’s Terra Cotta roof using Ukemi form and pulled out Katanas attached to their Obi’s. This marks an escalation in hippie/ninja violence after a decade of peace.

Ninjas declared war on hippies in 1968 as the result of a succession of seemingly minor incidents. In 1967 a DayGlo van of Merry Pranksters crashed into a specialized weapons and tactics outpost killing two ninjas and the only North American Samurai lord. Then the following year author Tom Wolfe released his The Electric Kool-Aid Test with no mention of the ninja deaths, instead making heroes out of the van of guilty Mary Pranksters.

To this day the van accident is the only recorded killing of ninjas by hippies in the world, but since 1968 there have been 345 hippies murdered by the oniwaban in name of blood revenge … 346.