SlapClap

When I first started writing this I thought it was going to be a parable about racial unity.

(edits by @arfortiyef)

All over, people don’t know how to do things. Or they do and they’re not telling you. BUT WE DID. We told you how to do things – all 7 of them – in this 7-part web episodic. And now for our final lesson:

Lesson #7 – “How to Crack an Egg”

(edits by @arfortiyef)

All over, people don’t know how to do things. Or they do and they’re not telling you. WELL WE ARE. We’re telling you how to do things – all 7 of them – in this new 7-part web series.

Lesson #6 – “How to Plug a Plug”

(edits by @arfortiyef)

All over, people don’t know how to do things. Or they do and they’re not telling you. WELL WE ARE. We’re telling you how to do things – all 7 of them – in this new 7-part web series.

Lesson #5 – “Dusting Dust”

(edits by @arfortiyef)

All over, people don’t know how to do things. Or they do and they’re not telling you. WELL WE ARE. We’re telling you how to do things – all 7 of them – in this new 7-part web series.

Lesson #4 – “How to Broom”

(edits by @arfortiyef)

All over, people don’t know how to do things. Or they do and they’re not telling you. WELL WE ARE. We’re telling you how to do things – all 7 of them – in this new 7-part web series.

Lesson #3 – “Putting the Bow on Toilet Business”

(edits by @arfortiyef)

All over, people don’t know how to do things. Or they do and they’re not telling you. WELL WE ARE. We’re telling you how to do things – all 7 of them – in this new 7-part web series.

Lesson #2 – “Turning Water On (Turning Water Off)”

All over, people don’t know how to do things. Or they do and they’re just not telling you. WELL WE ARE. We’re telling you how to do things – all 7 of them – in this new 7-part web series:

Lesson #1 – “Mistake Free Bottle Opening”

And check back each weekday for the next 6 installments.

(A special thanks to my co-presenter Matt Maloney; a special special thanks to the editing wizardry of Mr. @arfortiyef <– follow him on twitter)

I work off hunches, and I’ve got a hunch that people are getting sick of listening to the deep, melodious CNN tag line voiced by 79-year old acting legend James Earl Jones. It’s just a hunch. That’s where I step in.

Being the voice on a network “bump” is like hitting the lottery, and then suing the lottery for hitting you. We’re talking loads of cash. That’s why I’m throwing my hat in the ring early to be James Earl Jones replacement as the voice for CNN- a younger, hipper voice. Below is my reel.

CNN ID: Wolf Blitzer’s Situation Room

CNN ID: John King

CNN ID: Anderson Cooper 360

CNN ID: Rick Sanchez

CNN ID: Soledad O’Brien

CNN ID: Larry King Live

*pls. note: only makes sense when guest of show also starred in the movie Dune.

CNN ID: Roland Martin

CNN ID: Campbell Brown

CNN ID: Christiane Amanpour

ABC canceled Hank this week, and according to Entertainment Weekly there are no plans to air the remaining five episodes of the show.

So where does that leave us, the audience? With just memories I guess, like sand between curled toes. We will move on of course, but before we do we’ll remember. We will remember Hank.

Related: Kelsey Grammer falls down.

And you’re welcome.

“Please Please Please Let Matt Maloney Get What He Wants” recreates the wonderful museum scene from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off:

Suck on it Van Sant.

product summary

Washington D.C. from SlapClap on Vimeo.

You own a mac. That’s pretty good, right?

The bad:

You don’t own Final Cut Pro, not even a cracked version.

The bottom line:

Solid a/v editing platform for creating choppy videos of you and your mom during an all day bus tour of the nation’s capitol.

Writing. Not so easy, is it?