SlapClap

As scripture tells us, the great Xenu brought humans to Earth 75 million years ago and since then we have been constantly reborn, our souls trapped inside of our meat bodies. That’s a lot of “night and days!”

Yet no day could be as bright — and no night as… not bright? As dark, I guess — no night could be as bleak as today: Knight & Day day. Yay! Knight & Day officially arrived in theaters across the country, and the buzz for this one has been huge.

But SlapClap’s the only place to get an exclusive first look at the stills from international trailer #2 of Mr. Cruise’s new movie, out today! Take a peek:

This is the first time in the movie we get to see Mr. Cruise’s character Roy Miller. It’s also the only time in the movie Mr. Cruise doesn’t wear sunglasses. In fact, he broke Michael Madsen’s record for “the most acting in sunglasses” during the course of filming

The beautiful Cameron Diaz. People tell her all the time that she has a black girl’s ass, and that they can’t believe how much food she eats!

Game face, 2010: Who is Hollywood’s biggest star? Clooney? Pitt? Is it you Cruise… GAME ON!

“Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Sally O’Malley. I’m proud to say that I am 50 years old. I’m not one of those gals who’s afraid to tell her real age, and I like to… kick!, stretch!, aaand KICK!”

“I’m 50! 50 years old! 50 years old.“

The cast and crew take a break on set so Tom lightens the mood, and horses around with his co-star.

This scene was Mr. Cruises idea. He wanted to emerge from the mass of the crowd wearing his sunglasses. It pushed up the total running time of the movie, but features a 3 minute approach shot of slow motion walking.

Tom wears Ray-Ban sunglasses, which have changed in design over the years since he first wore them on camera in the movie Top Gun!

The reviews are in for Knight & Day. They’re calling Tom “…scary … Jerry Maguire good!” That he has “All the Right Moves,” and is “The Firm choice to keep your Eyes Wide… (…)”

A lot of the filming on Knight & Day happened in actual European cities in France and Italy. This was filmed in front of a green screen of one of those cities for stunt purposes.

Tom would like to thank you for being a part of this exclusive first look at the stills from the 2nd international trailer of his new movie Knight & Day. And we would like to remind you that when you take your seats at the local multiplex this weekend remember to BUCKLE UP!

…and turn off your cell phones, please- vibrate doesn’t count. We still hear it. Also, please don’t take off your shoes. (there are people actually doing that at movies now if you can believe it)

The certain key elements that make a movie a SLAP before it ever hits the cineplex.

That total eclipse of the “O” is a bit redundant.

Old and foreboding house in the middle of nowhere, denoting a mood of suspense by harkening back to the shot of the Bates house in Psycho ALERT!

Nic cage is in it. He plays a smart guy. You can tell by all the planets, and that math stuff behind him.

Did we mention he knows sign language?

And has a deaf kid?

Kid, put the paper down. Those numbers don’t mean anything. What’s that? Key plot point? If you say so, but that doesn’t sound very good.

That doesn’t sound very good.

True story: He hugs her and then he says “Don’t let him watch the news.” True story.

Sleep all day. Party all night. Never grow old. Never die. It’s fun to be a vampire.

Fake news people just mean that Gary Tuchman didn’t want to be in your movie.

To recap: Nicholas Cage stars in I’m Nicholas Cage and I Have to Figure Out These Numbers, but Quick

People make movies all the time and at great cost. A great movie is as much luck as it is effort. But how do you make a bad one? Let me rephrase that: how do you make a movie so bad it’s good? What I like to call “a slapclapper.”

Beer for My Horses, Drama. Now on DVD

1. Starring Steve Harvey Toby Keith

2. A sex symbol

3. Cast Claire Forlani to remind us she used to do love scenes with this guy. Great FAIL.

4. Red state value! “Pull ya pants up, son.”

5. Evil international criminal (Mexican)

6. John Woo the action

7. Willie Nelson’s in it

8. A confused Tom Skerritt

9. The End

Please rent this movie. I swear.