SlapClap

(above: White House budget director Peter "motherf*cking" Orszag)

Hey stupid. Yeah, you. I’m here to talk about health care incentives; you’re here to get schooled on health care incentives. That is how this works. So here is what I want you to do, and don’t worry.. I’LL TALK SLOW.

First, take a good long look at this lighthouse I call my head – this f*cking thing sitting up on two shoulders staring at you so f*cking hard. It is the closest you will ever get to my brain. My brain, the most biggest brain since man stopped banging apes and got all lucky with fire and sh*t. My brain is fire. It’s fiyaaa.

Second, take a great look into my eyes. You doing it ain’t you? And what do it feel like? Feel like you at 90° degrees latitude and just fell off a cliff into the world’s loneliest lake. In other words, cold. Because my eyes are black like the bottoms of two wells. They freeze ice. They are opposite the sun. They blow warning to any among you who think they can f*ck with me. My name is Peter Orszag, and I will tea-bag you.

Third, lean forward and put your elbows on the desk, and then put those two sweat mops you call hands against your fat face, and then just listen. Listen and learn, like girls in the 50’s learned about sex from their mom’s diary and the Catholic Church.

Have I got your attention?

Good. Then what part of “health care must include a public option and be deficit neutral with hard scoreable offsets in savings scored by the Congressional Budget Office” DON’T you understand, you f*cking ass apes?