SlapClap

Today I got CC’d by a family member in an email with the subject line “Madea’s Thanksgiving Rules!” Now normally I go ka-raaazy for funny chain emails. I think they should collect them all and put them in a book, and then burn that book inside the broken monitors of the computers they come from. You can read the original “Madea Thanksgiving Rules” here, but below are even more rules with help from a couple of Twitter friends:

1.  After polishing off seconds, it is acceptable to PARTIALLY unzip your fat suit to lie down. (via: @Caissie)

2. Vicki Lawrence’s career is one of the things we give thanks for.

3.  Please locate your character type card on dinner table before sitting down: philandering husband, unhappy career woman, etc… (via: @scratchbomb)

4.  If you don’t like football, good; if you do like football, tough. There’s a Meet the Browns marathon on.

5.  Inviting over Asian people is equally okay and uncomfortable.

6.  We laugh in the good times, we laugh at Good Times, but we do not laugh at The Office.

7.  Fart-off starts at 6 sharp.

8.  Adults, relegate physical abuse to the kid’s table.

9.  If you’re going to eat the food, REALLY eat the food. Don’t go half eating the food. Put down the knife and fork and EAT THE FOOD!

10.  Try to not get startled when sexually explicit references are followed by sexually explicit prayers.

11. You may notice hair in your food depending on how light-skinned uppity you are.

12.  Strokes happen in the kitchen, away from children.

13.  Dress code is mandatory: she insists upon formal Steve Harvey menswear.

14.  Yes Madea refers a lot to slitting people’s throats with a knife, and yes each year we help her bury her turkey cutting knife in the backyard, so what?

15.  No stepping on Madea’s line, and no writer’s strike on Madea’s set.