SlapClap

Ed in south Florida met Cookie Rockefeller on Craigslist, and treated her to a 2-for-1 meal at a fondue restaurant. A date rife with … MISUNDERSTANDMES.

Cookie Rockefeller: Me too!

Ed: Do you? What’s your favorite album?

Cookie Rockefeller: Probably “Ghost in the Machine.”

Ed: Isn’t that by The Police?

Cookie Rockefeller: The police are here?

Ed: No. The Police. Sting?

Cookie Rockefeller: Geez Louise, it’s a sting. I saw this on Cocaine Cowboys– EVERYBODY ON THE FLOOR. IT’S DRUGS!

Ed: No, it’s –

Cookie Rockefeller: IT’S DRUGS, Y’ALL. DON’T PAY FOR THE FOOD!

Ed: No, lis– sit down. Police the band.

Cookie Rockefeller: Police the band? Then who’ll watch the lawyers? I kid.

Ed: I –

Cookie Rockefeller: It’s a joke, plum. “Wordplay.” My sister’s a lawyer.

Ed: Really? That’s interesting.

Cookie Rockefeller: My lawyer. She’s my lawyer. I slashed a john in the face.

Ed: You slashed – his name was John?

Cookie Rockefeller: Shhhhhuuuure? There was a car accident.

Ed: He hit your car.

Cookie Rockefeller: No, we were in the car together. Parked. I was on the passenger side? “Seat belt off,” if you know what I mean. Let’s change the subj. What’s your favorite Clash song, “Message in a Bottle?”

Ed: That’s not a –

Cookie Rockefeller: Song you can relate to? Who could! A song about a guy in North Carolina who keeps throwing bottles in the ocean.

Ed: I think it’s fair, at this point, to bring up that that sounds an awful lot like a Kevin Costner movie.

Cookie Rockefeller: And then this lady finds one of his bottles in the water, in Chicago.

Ed: From North Carolina? That’s physically impossi–

Cookie Rockefeller: And she opens the bottle, and there’s a message in it saying “Go to Persia, and fight the King,” because he banned punk music.

Ed: You just described “Rock the Casbah” by The Clash.

Cookie Rockefeller: And then the woman shows the bottle to these big greased up 300 men, and they fly to Persia and fight the evil King, and all the habib’s.

Ed: (Racist.)

Cookie Rockefeller: The King, though, is too unprepared to fight, distracted as he was by a very classy French prostitute.

Ed: Let me guess, named Roxanne? Kept the red light on?

Cookie Rockefeller: No, that’s a Police song.

Ed: Of course it – what?

Cookie Rockefeller: What??

Ed: Are we – is this still a bit?

Cookie Rockefeller: What bit?

Ed: Don’t ask me. I didn’t write it.

Cookie Rockefeller: Who did?

Ed: David Foster Wallace.

Cookie Rockefeller: No! REALLY?

Ed: Of course not. Some loser with a blog.