I hate it when people say “here’s a fun fact.” They’re never fun. It’s never “Here’s a fun fact: cows can only go upstairs.” Instead it’s “Here’s a fun fact: Sundays, I do laundry.”
Having said that – (oh, and I hate it when people say “having said that;” and people who bring up the “having said that” episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm; and people who call it Curb annoy me; and people who digress too much) – but having said that, here’s a fun fact: I’ve written 27 books!
The “To Bleed” series was a series of space crime novels I wrote in the late 90’s. The stories follow the adventures of astronaut Tex Sustential, “bleeding” heart quantum professor turned crime busting galaxy detective in a universe devoid of meaning.
The 27 books include “Hungry to Bleed,” “Dying to Bleed,” “To Sleep, Perchance to Bleed,” and breakout classic “Bleeding to Bleed: Blood In, Blood Out.”
Airport magazine called the series “high inventory,” and my books dominated the display windows of Times Square video retailers.
The key to my success? I do not talk down to the reader (you are the reader, by the way). My books are not pompous, like so many others authors. Your Dan Browns of the world; your Push by Sapphires. I write accessible stories that put readers inside the page. I write about the human experience in a way to which we can all relate. It’s a literary device I call “I Can Relate,” or I.C.R.. I.C.R.’s are small anecdotes dropped into a story to help the reader- you, remember? They help readers identify with the characters in my book, and the larger world.
From “Enough to Bleed“
“Officer Tex woke up screaming from his dream. The same dream. How could that be?And why was the toilet still running. Is that not the worst? Recurring dreams were for invalids and brain glitchers. Had he forgot to change blue fluid in his chamber simulator? Checking his T/S display it was already ten zeck-zecks past a quarter-flash. Tex popped a couple memory flarks before getting out of bed, and was struck by a terrible pain in his right leg- a goddamn muscle cramp. ‘Ouch, that hurts.’”
From “Early to Bleed“
“As Tex waited for the cable guy – you know how they’re always late – there was a quaking sound, like 20 Thurb-busters losing grav-torque all in a row. Tex grabbed his flube stinger and went to the window monitor. Outside were Lokseys, about a gill pack. They buzzed about like sentient chip seedlings in a moist patch of cyber-terra. Tex only had a moment to flip the neg switch on his flube stinger before they were on him. Then, like a wave of clenched pain, a goddamn cramp! ‘Ahhhh…‘ he seethed. ‘Goddammit!‘”
From “Bleeding to Bleed: Blood In, Blood Out“
“The captain of the astronaut police force briefed his men on doogon activity in the Orion nebula, but Tex had other things on his mind, and not just the shitty coffee in the break room. Why is coffee at work so horrible? And lets not get started on Starbucks.
Tex daydreamed about the green-skinned Patoot girl he had pulled over for doing eleven parsecs in a negative zone. Her ear-eyes lit up like hitting three soycumbers at a marsh casino slot. Jackpot! She would soon be his, dripping like Venusuvian waters in the finest traditions of the Parafet. He simu-fantisized about her arm-legs wrapped around him, and the strength of his leg legs balancing their entwined bodies at the edge of the bed… ‘CRAMP!‘ Goddamn crap!‘”