SlapClap

In the trailer for the summer blockbuster Knight & Day, starring Tom Cruise, Kenneth Turan of the Los Angeles Times hails the movie as “the most entertaining made-for-adults movie of the summer.“

So I went and read the review, and then I reread the review. And I guess my only question for Kenneth Turan is, WHAT THE FUCK KENNETH TURAN?

From your review, and I quote:

“It’s hardly a perfect film, not even close, but it is the most entertaining, made-for-adults studio movie of the summer, and one of the reasons it works at all is the great skill and commitment Cruise brings.”

One of the reason? Oh, just one of the reasons then. The other reasons must have been what? The caterer? The key grip who replaced the first key grip, who quit because his mother-in-law died of old age?

THOSE PEOPLE ARE NOTHING! THE ONLY REASON KNIGHT & DAY IS THE “#1 MADE-FOR-ADULTS STUDIO MOVIE OF THE SUMMER” HAS GOT TWO NAMES!

Care to guess those names Kenneth Turan, you piece of sh*t? Here’s a hint: first name is “Tom;” last name is “not Hanks.”

Kenneth Turan should be fired for obviousness.

I hope a monkey with swine flu bites you in the neck! I hate that you remember to breath. Put yourself in a ditch, Kenneth Turan!

I stole some hair from you and put it in a locket, and tore a tree down with a kitchen knife and made an altar that I prayed to as I burnt a piece of your hair inside of crisp parchment with melted Haitian beeswax, and sang to night sky a murderous hymn that will lay you lo with a slow, painful loss of blood that drips from out your worthless hidehole.

YOU DUMB SH*T!