It’s a well known that almost every American wants to be famous. It’s why we watch VH1 so much, it’s why they made the movie Boogie Nights, it’s why … Tila Tequila. I also sort of blame it on the trajectory of Barbara Streisand’s career but that’s a whole other story. Whatever the case, consider these assorted pictures of celebrities eating — that’s right, fucking eating — as a line in the sand against all of your stupid, immature, petty, and daily-declining wet dreams to become … “a supastar!”
Related: Tina Fey on fame: ‘What level of fame do you need to achieve to keep doing what you want? Because you don’t want any more than that. You don’t want someone to take a picture of your butt on the beach” (EW)
Kate was sweet enough to present me with this cassette after I had one-third of my toenail removed. The growth cells were cauterized so there’d be no future growth, but this also meant hours in front of the TV with my feet soaking in epsom salts. Her dedication, too, was kind and considered: “Music to Soak Your Toe To:”
The internet always has some fun, small hole to climb into for a few hours and here is a prime example. Cassette from My Ex is a site devoted to those wonderful, hazy romantic memories of first love through the forgotten architecture of mix tapes. Simple formula: the writer gives a little back story about the crush, or heartbreak, or fling that was responsible for the tape being made and what the music meant for each person at the time. The best part though is that all of the songs have been uploaded from their original source, hiss es and all.
Saw Michael Musto walking across Christopher St. over the weekend. I caught up to him because I wanted to know if he really thinks Britney can keep her weight off but turns out wasn’t him. Just some big-headed guy who was gay in a 1980′s way.
Holy smokes! Just saw OJ’s old lawyer and the Spider-Man 2 guy walking side-by-side on 57th st. They were talking. Do they even know each other? Maybe Molina’s in some legal trouble! Wait. Not them. They just turned around. God, that guy on the left looks like a real know-it-all
Related: Always funny Jay has popular facial features. (gushparty)
Lest you think it’s just all about commercialization and Celebrity schmooze here at the SlapClap, we submit to you Norwegian Black Metal, a music movement that is as tuneless and machine-like angry as it sounds. But it’s also bat-shit crazy and we can’t claim to not have any interest in that, now can we? How else were we going to find out about a magazine called Terrorizer; or that it referred to lead singer Gaal of the Norwegian metal band Gorgoroth as “the most evil man alive?” I’m not familiar with Norwegian law but I hope Terrorizer doesn’t get hit with a libel suit. I can’t imagine Gaal would take kindly to that kind of portrayal given he’s a celebrity and all. Not all celebrity’s are like Charles Barkley and I quite imagine Mr. Gaal wants to put his best foot forward for the sake of all those kids who buy his records.
The Steve Kasher gallery in New York’s Chelsea neighborhood also has a month-long exhibit (below) that you can mislead your first date with. But is this overkill? Probably. How about a little perspective: Gorgoroth, the “feared” black metal band, is also the name of a dead plateau of evil and darkness in the fictional land of Mordor from Lord of the Rings. You heard me, they’re nerds, and “the most evil man alive” is a Lord of the Rings fan.
The Root, which is the African-American Slate — founded by Slate by the way, making it really African-American — has a blogger by the name of Keith Josef Adkins. Nice enough guy, don’t get me wrong (I don’t know him). But here’s what he had to say in the opening paragraph of a blog he wrote about the movie Iron Man:
I have to admit two things. One, after a full week at the movies I finally saw the box office bang Iron Man. Two, besides Superman, Spiderman and Batman [and those radical mutants deemed The X-Men], Marvel Comics was as interesting to me as canned spinach.
Interesting. So you weren’t interested in Marvel Comics … MAYBE THAT’S BECAUSE YOU WERE READING DC COMICS!!! Superman and Batman? Who’s the can of spinach now you Comic book-a-dummy? Consult iFanboy next time you want to enter the ring with the big nerds. And yes, go Obama (perfunctory).
FOC’s landlord is Eugene Mirman, but he really lives in Park Slope. And Park Slope can’t keep quiet, complains shitty Park Slope neighbors who can’t keep quiet complaining about bar noise. Mirman delivers the slap. (gothamist)
Irish folk lads, all night in the studio. Play the tape in the car. Did they cut a hair metal record?
He bought her a piano, but it’s too late. Her hubbie the butcher is back, and that guy looks like back hair. She’s looking out the window. Looks like morning outside. Pfooom! I got something in my eye. Not. Going. To… I really do like that song. Oououuoghh Gaawddd…
I tried telling my seven nephews Buck, Otis, Rick, Wayman, A.C., Stacey, and Cadillac that the Wayans family were actually funny once and they got so mad they took turns flagrant fouling me. But it’s true — I’m Gonna Git You Sucka, Hollywood Shuffle, In Living Color, even that Robert Townsend HBO special Partners in Crime all had their moments (if you can tell me where the quote “call me Aldeman baby” is from I’ll mail you my toaster … seriously).
Then in 1994, China’s year of the Dog, the movie Blankman debuted in August a few months after the last episode of Living Color.
I remember how much was made about Damon Wayans being fired from the cast of Saturday Night Live but I think what the movie Blankman proves is you don’t have to be rubber stamped by Lorne Michaels to get a one-note comedy idea made into a movie. Turns out the ‘blank’ in man stood for stares … at the screen. But a bad comedy can happen to anyone. The real horror is when a comedian tries to be something other than funny and fails. We don’t need to go over that list do we? We do?
Psst. Vulture. Everybody Nose? Not only is it not song of the summer (repetitive, double-time drum machine anthem with bad lyrics and a breakdown Pharrell’s been using since ’02) but it’s also the worst name for a song since Slide It In. Now that was a song for the summer. Leave the puns at home before I start confusing you with Richard Dawson.