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“The effect: Justin Bobby as part Aramis, part Christ from the Tomb, part Zorro, part Dash Snow, part Hasid, part gone-off-the-Depp end. We approve.” ~T Magazine blog

I’ve never seen The Hills; I’ll probably never see it. That is not to say that I don’t know who Lauren is, or Audrina, or Heidi & Spencer, or Wall-E the robot they built during Season 2. So yeah, while it is true I’ve never seen The Hills I still know exactly what is going on there.

But who is this mysterious Justin Bobby character? I don’t remember him at the dinner table. Also, why does this T Magazine blog want me to be so impressed with him for wearing a hat over his hood? Is it because he’s from Venice Beach? I saw 12 kids with this same look on Flatbush avenue yesterday. Every other person in a Mobb Deep video wears this look. What of their vanity piece?

Hey also, didn’t this guy just host the MTV Video Awards or something, and didn’t he get fired by Britain’s radio authority? Hey isn’t a person who wears a fedora on top of a hoodie supposed to choreograph 80’s music videos for Full Force? Wait isn’t this guy’s name Justin Bobby Fierce? Hey doesn’t this guy look like a munch?

Hey wait … more questions: “Justin Bobby” that’s not a Mariah Carey album? Hey that’s not that New Orleans movie that Scarlett Johansson flashed her side boob in is it? Wait “Justin Bobby,” isn’t that Deniro and P. Diddy’s sushi spot in Tribeca? HEY, WAIT!!!

What’s Wilmer Valderrama doing acting on The Hills? He’s not still the host of Yo Mamma on MTV? Hey why’s this guy still dating Audrina Patridge? Shouldn’t he be halfway to a three-way with Mischa Barton by now?

Hey wait, non-sequiter: is CNN airing that award show for real life heroes, CNN Heroes right now? Did I just see Melania Knauss cry? Did she just win an award or have sex with her husband?