SlapClap

Two big albums landed in our laps this month: Metallica’s Death Magnetic and TV on the Radio’s Dear Science, and they’re as different as their album names suggest…

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The New Yorker refuses to publish my submissions to their cartoon caption contest. I have no idea why.

SlapClap caption: “Move to strike your honor! The defendant’s acquaintance with Mrs. Haze has no bearing whatsoever on his ‘alleged’ proclivity for underage girls.”

• The Caption archive

• Update: Clap contributor Martin Cassidy chimes in

Cassidy captions:

“That whale was lying! There is no link between toxic loads in adult female blubber and telekinesis in young orcas. End of story.”

“Just answer the question. When did you tell your wife you were undergoing radiation-based hominid transmog therapy?”

“My client MC Krill doesn’t even acknowledge the existence of an East Coast-West Coast rivalry.”

Last week or abouts I was jazzed to hear that Pink Floyd bassist/auteur/main conceptualist Roger Waters endorsed Sen. Barack Obama, D-Illinois for the United States presidency. This set off a mad scramble by Hillary Clinton and John McCain to find roughly comparable prog rock deities to sing their praises — Hillary, of course, was slammed in the press for pandering when at last week’s debate she cited “Siberian Khatru” as her favorite Yes song unprovoked.

But I think Obama’s failure to publicly acknowledge Waters gesture signals some Floyd neutrality and it set me thinking — if Roger loves Barack so much, why doesn’t he get the Floyd together and put on some non-linear top volume Pink Floyd rallies across the U.S. this summer? Nothing would spell electoral disaster for Obama’s opponents more than a giant Pink Floyd tour, with dry ice, red, white and blue lasers, and a giant helium-filled John McCain with testicles. If Roger Waters really loved Barack, he would be willing to put up the Floyd trademark again.

• Waters to NME: “Hillary Clinton will invade Iran“